Lost in Orbit
by GlitterTits
Summary: A Clone Club fic following the lives of the clones after the conclusion of season 1. Contains cophine, platonic twin connection and hints of references to soccer cop. Rated T for now, but will be M later. I obvs don't own Orphan Black or any other tv shows/music I may refer to. Please review :)
1. Smoke and Mirrors

**Lost in Orbit**

**1. Smoke and Mirrors**

Delphine slides the metal sheet across the close. She moves slowly, trying to be quiet. She knows Cosima will be awake, but she will not disturb her. The usual smell of paint, mixed with sawdust and perfume, is overtaken by pot. Cosima lies on the couch, her eyes closed. Delphine knows she is awake, just as she knows that Cosima knows that she knows this. There is a calm between them, a peace in not saying. Cosima had heard her steps outside and the door sliding and all the sound rolls together so that now she can feel the gorgeous French biologist standing at the end of the sofa.

Delphine lays her coat softly on the nearest armchair and then nestles herself into the small space on the sofa by Cosima's feet. She treasures the moment; the shared silence. She feels so comfortable, in a way she would never have believed. There were moments of comfort like this in other relationships: the openness of family, the precise click of good friendships, shards of time with lovers. All moments that just worked.

With Cosima it is all the time. Cosima gets her. She really does. Without trying, and it is so comfortable.

_Yeah, ditto, obvs._

Delphine laughs.

Cosima's eyes flash open, they are smiling. Her face is pale, but it is smiling.

"What are you giggling about?"

"Oh nothing," Delphine replies; still giggling. Her laugh is soft and it ripples in and out of Cosima's ears.

"What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No... I'm just so happy."

"Happy?"

"With you."

Cosima smiles her cheeky smile, which she knows is cute. Despite sharing her DNA with possibly over a dozen individuals, this smile is unique to her. She pushes herself up onto the cushions behind her.

"How are you?" asks Delphine as she wraps her hands around Cosima's socked feet. Cosima bites her lip and nods her head forward slowly.

"Alright." she stretches the word out, not as if she is unsure, but as if it is an inaccurate approximation.

They look at each other, happy in this moment. Verbal communication has become deficient. In the last few weeks words have been so ineffective they have been reduced to merely noise. In this small loft full of Felix, Sarah, Paul, Cosima, Delphine, there has been so much sound and so little sense. It is a small miracle that they find themselves together and alone.

Cosima reaches towards Delphine's hands. The French woman reaches out and allows herself to be pulled up the sofa into a hug. Delphine's hands are dry. She has spent the last eight hours flicking through books and now her hands are as dry as the papers she has been handling. She found some promising articles. However, if she lets herself, they can feel as insubstantial as smoke. Smoke and mirrors. For a science, biology can be so inexact sometimes. For the moment she rests her head on Cosima's shoulder and moves her ear until she can hear her heartbeat. Part of her wonders if she stays there and listens to that heartbeat, it will carry on beating indefinitely. She fears that it will not. She fears it will stop and that she will lose her.

A tear trickles out of Delphine's eye. She does not notice. It is Cosima who realises first as the hot water drips onto her neck.

"Delphine?"

"Oh, I am so sorry, I..." she looks up at Cosima as if to say something more, but words fail her, even those of her native tongue. Cosima sits there and holds her. There is nothing else to do. It breaks her heart to know she is the reason for this sadness. "I'm so sorry Cosima. I shouldn't be upset like this; it's horrible for you."

"No, it's okay. You'll find a cure." Cosima breathes as she strokes the blonde's neck. Delphine turns her head so that she is looking up into Cosima's hazel eyes. She smiles softly, but it is real. The twinkle in her eye turns into a flash of passion as she pushes herself up and presses her lips against Cosima's.

Their kisses quickly turn feverish. It has been too long since they have been alone together. Cosima nuzzles Delphine's neck as she holds her close. The world around them seems to slowly melt away. All the pain and possibilities fade. Delphine kisses along Cosima's jaw and tugs at her dreads. They become ever more hurried. All they feel is each other. Cosima runs her fingers through Delphine's soft waves of hair as the blonde hastily unbuttons her top. Nothing else exists and the space between them is painful.

Muffled shouts and uneven footsteps reach the cocoon which they have made of each other. They break apart, suddenly weary of their heavy breathing and scattered clothes. For a split second their eyes meet as if to question the fact that they have stopped.

By the time the loft door is drawn open Cosima is back to lying on the sofa, and Delphine is huddled at her feet clutching a book, feigning concentration.

"What have you two been up to?" asks Felix suggestively as he staggers in, half supporting a very drunk Sarah, the other half being supported by Paul.

"Er, nothing" replies Cosima with an undertone of attitude that rivals Sarah's.

"It's okay I don't want details, but Delphine, that book is upside down and Cosima, your top is buttoned up wrong."

Sarah bursts into drunken giggles and tries to move towards her clone before she promptly loses her balance and has to be grabbed by Paul.

"What happened to Sarah?" said Delphine, in a tone which could be genuine interest, but more likely just trying to shift the topic of conversation.

"Ah," Paul murmurs "well, we did some more digging for stuff on Kira and found some promising leads. Then we got news that Sarah's favourite twin sister survived her surgery yesterday and will be ready for visitors later this week."

"Does that mean you are going to visit Helena?" asks Cosima.

"She then went and drowned her sorrows so, no, I do not think so" Felix chimes in as he strips off his coat and lets himself fall sassily back onto the one free armchair.

"Hear me out" Cosima asserts, throwing her hands up in the air, "but I wonder if really we should talk to Helena".

"What?" Felix gasps, "are you mental? And I guess that would be another bit of riff raff I would have to accommodate."

"We are not riff raff!" shouts Delphine, flicking her toes at Felix's head. Felix ducks out of the way only to be pounced on from behind by Sarah.

"Noooo Feelix, they're lovely, I like Cosima and Delphine and Paul", she beams up at Paul, who is watching her warily trying to work out if she might fall over.

"But you don't like Helena, do ya?"

"I don't knowww" Sarah slurs "I'm ssstarting to regret the shooting thing, even though she killed our birth mother and got Kira run over". Felix looks rather dumbfounded. "She isss very cute when she eats jell-o"

"Jell-o?"

"Yess, I want to see her, to see my sister. She eats jell-o with salt, or was it sugar? I don't even remember..." Sarah begins to fall sideways off the chair, but is quickly caught by Paul.

"Bedtime maybe?" he muses with a meaningful look at Felix.

"Yes, thanks Paul" he replies as Paul carries the now unconscious Sarah away to bed.

There is a short pause as Felix adjusts his clothes. In the meantime Cosima has opened up her laptop and is tapping away. She looks at Delphine and then glances anxiously at Felix.

"Fee..." Felix glares at the use of the nickname, but waits for her to continue. "I-well, we, have been doing some research and think it really would be a good idea if we looked after Helena." Felix stares at her, as if he needs some more convincing. "Helena is clearly suffering from PTSD or some similar mental disorder because of her traumatic childhood. However, treatment is possible, and she seems to be responding so well to Sarah-well apart from the shooting... I mean, they have a connection. Helena could get better with Sarah's help." Felix looks unconvinced. "Felix, I think it would help Sarah too, what with Kira gone at the moment..." she trails off and waits for a response.

"Wow, one point to science geek-monkey clone, I may be half convinced" Felix responds "but, if Sarah doesn't want to see her, she doesn't have to."


	2. Wildly and Fiercely

**2. Wildly and Fiercely**

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Delphine mutters, "She did shoot her last time they met." She stands with the two clones in a pristine white corridor.

"Yes" Cosima replies, also in a whisper, "it's our only chance of getting through to Helena, gunshot wound or not, they have a-"

"A connection, I know!" Sarah interrupts noisily. She gives Cosima a piercing glare.

"You don't have to do this now though" Cosima responds defensively.

"No" Sarah lets out a long sigh, and drills her fingers against the edge of the door. "I at least have to see what she told the police." Her posture stiffens with her resolve, but her face remains angry.

"Okay then!" Cosima throws up her arms. "Delphine and I will be off to Pulmonology, find us when you're done."

"Alright" Sarah mumbles as the pair leave, hands entwined.

She slouches against the doorframe. Something in her gut stops her from going in. She does not want to see Helena's broken body and her childish smiles which are so like Kira's. God. Kira. She knows she could fall to pieces on the spot, but she must not. In order to find her daughter she must know if the police would be hunting for her for this shooting.

Sarah reaches out towards the handle.

"Are you her twin?" a doctor in a white coat strides towards her.

"Err... yes."

"You do look remarkably alike" he continues. "I'm your sister's doctor, Doctor Pratt, do come in, don't be shy, company would be good."

Sarah shuffles after him into the room.

"The bullet narrowly missed her heart, but caused it to rupture. We fixed the internal bleeding and she is recovering well."

"What is her recovery time looking like?" Sarah slips easily into a more public-friendly persona, one she now links with Beth.

"She will be here for up to a few weeks, but she should make a full recovery." Sarah stays silent. "If you need me I will be at the main desk along the corridor." he says curtly as he makes his way towards the door.

Sarah hears the door close as she circles the bed trying to take in the broken form. Helena's eyes are puffy and she is pale as ever. Yet Sarah had never seen her twin so peaceful. She walks round so she was facing Helena's back; so she can see the scars. Some of the fresher angel wing cuts have been bandaged. They look so horrific. Could she have been like this? Sarah half reaches out. Even though she put her here it pains her to see her twin like this. To be honest Helena seems to pain her constantly whether she is with her or not. Family. A single sob shakes her body.

A faint chuckle breaks the silence startling Sarah.

"Cестра, did you hear, you broke my heart?"

"Yeah" Sarah replies tentatively and makes her way round to sit in the armchair near the bed. She looks into her twin's eyes. Helena blinks hazily back. All the things Sarah thought of saying have gone. She just sits there, slouching as she always does.

"Cестра?" the word escapes Helena's lips and seems to hang in the air. "I am sorry."

"Sorry? I shot you remember."

"Yes, but I have been thinking. I was a bad person."

Sarah narrows her eyes, unsettled by this change of heart. Helena is smiling. Her face is as honest and open as ever. She had never been one for lying.

"Yes you were." Sarah replies coolly.

"I want to make it right. Tomas made me into a bad person. I want to be good, like you, like our little angel Kira-"

"Don't you dare talk about Kira in front of me!" Sarah's shout fills the room. It is powerful and savage like an animal protecting her young. Helena shrinks back.

"I, I... I did nothing."

"You put her in danger." Sarah hisses. She stares threateningly into Helena's scarred eyes. Then her insides collapse.

Sarah sobs. All the pain that she had kept locked up inside comes out. She had hid it all from Paul, Felix, Cosima. Now in front of Helena, she weeps. She pounds balled fists against her chair. She curls up as if trying to not exist. Sarah shakes and weeps.

"She's gone Helena... They took her." Sarah croaks, her voice cracking.

"Our little angel..." Helena's hands tighten around her blankets becoming claw-like. Her eyes stare wide. They flash with shock and then hate. She looks towards her twin; the hate dissolves.

Sarah looks up at her sister. Sarah can see the love in her twin's look. Helena loves her wildly and fiercely, with the same passion she has for everything she does.

"I will help you find her cестра."

Sarah smiles and Helena smiles. For a moment they just sit there. It feels like everything is going to be alright.

There is a light but audible knock on the door.

"Come in." Sarah mutters.

The door is pushed open by a tall woman in casual clothes.

"Hello Helena." The blonde smiles softly and sits up eagerly. Sarah is astonished, if not a tad jealous that her twin is so glad to see another person. The woman pulls her long red hair out of a ponytail as she examines Sarah, taking in every detail. She moves forwards towards her.

"You must be Helena's twin Sarah. I'm Doctor Montgomery from Psyc, call me Addison. I have been helping your sister." She says confidently, holding out her hand.

Sarah rises, drying her eyes and shakes the Doctor's hand. The woman's friendliness is weirdly comforting, despite her gut instinct to trust no one. She shrugs and makes to leave.

"I guess I have to go then." She glances at the bed as she says this and smiles again at her twin.

"No, no, please do stay. I think it would help if you could join in with our conversation."

"Alright." Sarah is taken aback, but finds herself glad she can stay. Her face is bemused as she retreats back to her armchair.

The doctor steps outside and brings in another chair and places it near the end of Helena's bed so she is equidistant between the two clones. She also pulls a pot of jell-o, a spoon and a sugar shaker out of her jacket pocket and places them on Helena's bedside. The food is quickly seized upon.

"Would you like some?" She offers Sarah a pot too. "Helena has made me rediscover one of my childhood joys." she continues as she brings out a pot for herself.

Sarah still feels slightly off-kilter. She is aware of all the awkward questions that could be asked, yet the doctor seems nice enough for now. She plays with the ends of her hair and taps the side of her jell-o pot.

"Do you have any favourite foods Sarah?"

Sarah laughs softly and meets Helena's gleeful eye as she wolfs down her food.

"I like jelly, but I tend to think food is food...but I guess I always like a cup of tea."

"Fair enough." the doctor smiles and crosses her legs. She quickly finishes her jell-o and unclips Helena's chart from the end of the bed.

"So Helena, how have you been feeling?"

The blonde looks up from her jell-o inquisitively. She comes alive with the new attention.

"I have been good. I am not so tired any more." She pauses and looks towards Sarah. "I am happy my cестра is here."

Addison smiles and writes something down.

"How about you Sarah?"

"Me? I'm fine." she stammers quickly, disgruntled by the change of focus.

"Well with discovering a sibling you never knew you had and Helena's accident-"

Sarah's pulse quickens and her eyes dart towards her twin trying to read her, to know what she has told them.

"What?"

"Has no one told you the details?"

"No. I know she was shot."

"Yes, and your birth mother was stabbed."

Sarah swallows hard. For once she cannot bare to look at Helena. Everything suddenly seems to be slipping out of place. She feels sick deep in her gut. She is losing everyone. She closes her eyes.

"Cестра?"

Helena's voice rips the silence.

Sarah opens her eyes.

She finds herself looking straight into Helena's. They are teary. Helena sits crouched and tense like an animal. The curtains on the open window behind Sarah flutter in the breeze and for a second the direct sunlight hits Helena. For a moment half of her is illuminated. Half is pale and broken and angelic. All else is shadow. She has always been alone. Her eyes do not flinch in the light. They beg to be loved back.

A tear trails its way down Sarah's cheek. Helena's bottom lip quakes.

Sarah smiles softly at the blonde.

"Yes, sister?"


	3. Strange and Dangerous

**3. Strange and Dangerous**

Alison sleeps.

She walks through Ainsley's garage. The kitchen is pristine. It's dark and yet it shimmers. All flickering save one thing. Ainsley lies hunched over the sink. A dense and horribly solid figure. Alison knows what will happen, but she cannot look away. The strangled figure turns beginning to smile. Her eyes are dead. Ainsley is dead. And Alison let it happen.

She wakes. She pushes off her covers and feels her way downstairs to her craft room in the pitch black.

She sits in her craft room. The sun has barely risen. It's first few beams creep through the open window and hit Alison's back.

Thoughts flit around her head. They fly and catch and there are no conclusions. Her legs are wound round the stool and her arms grip the table as if to let go of these tangible objects will cause her to fall into her murky thoughts.

Alison possesses the rugged intelligence that had led Beth to be a ruthless investigator and Cosima to be a exceptional biologist. Even Sarah and Helena whose brains had gone into not enforcing but breaking the law, were in their own ways exceedingly bright. Alison had wondered when she had met the cop and the scientist, whether they were really identicals.

She has never felt brilliant.

She had spent her whole life controlling her world and what everyone else saw of it only to find out she was subtlety being controlled and monitored. Then Ainsley. Alison had killed her best friend. Her monitor - but her best friend.

In one hand Alison holds her pink phone, in the other her gun. She feels as if she is weighing them up. She rocks the gun barrel against her temple. Clones, gun, gun clones. Isn't there a third option? She could forget her identicals and focus on Donnie, Gemma and Oscar . However, somehow the clones had transformed her life. She had Cosima, Sarah, Felix and... Beth. They had been some of the truest friends she had ever had, family really. She had something more. For once her life did not revolve around this toxic, gossiping, sprawling suburb. Alison had a family she had found. Was sisters a better word than clones? They were strange and dangerous, but with them she belonged.

Without any warning a memory pools across her mind. Sarah talking to her in the car after she had fought with Ainsley. Her gut churns, yet also for the first time in two days she smiles.

She had thought finding out she had clones was the end of all normality. It had tortured her, having the secret hanging round her neck the whole time. She had managed and stayed afloat for a few months and then Beth. Her identical's face flashes before her eyes. Her muscles tense involuntarily.

Being a clone had pulled her apart, but they had also helped her put herself back together.

She listens to the quiet of the house above her. It was deafening. The silence was screaming at her.

Had she ruined it all? Had she betrayed her sisters by signing the contract? Could she make it work with Donnie?

The phone was light compared to the weight of the gun. She wondered what Beth had felt like as she closed her eyes and stepped in front of that train. She vaguely hoped she would be able to see Beth again when she died. To hold her in her arms one more time. Beth...

Alison weighs up the phone and the gun and steadily raises her hand to her ear.


End file.
